Ten Years

The rest of the family went to sleep early, so my littlest guy and I had a little mommy + me date.  We cleaned, we packed daddy’s lunch, we did 1/8th of the dishes (we were both over it before we even began), we wrote colorful notes for everyone and left them on the table to be discovered in the morning, we refilled the Berkey (Alexa, remind me to buy a bigger Berkey), we played, we snacked, we snuggled, and we sang.  Now my sweet boy is sleeping ever so peacefully in my arms. 
The warmth radiating off of him warms me as he rests his head on my chest and listens to my heartbeat.  His breathing is predictable and creates a perfect rhythm.  Occasionally if I shift he lets out a big sigh, but stays nestled in.

This Feeling. 

The peace of Christ is abundant here and now.  The past few days have been tough and my patience as thin as a thread. I’m tired, my period is back (the hormones around my post partum periods are jacked up) and every little thing has threatened to steal my joy.  But I won’t let it anymore. 

I soaked up our Bible time this evening. Reading verses = calming hearts.  All is good when scripture is being said and gratitude is pouring out of our hearts.

Friends, today marked 10 years, TEN YEARS, since I stood over my husband with my hands firmly on him as he held his mother’s hand and she took her last breath in a hospital bed. 

I never imagined we’d endure such a struggle, but we did.

I didn’t know how to be strong for him, but I had to learn.  

We couldn’t turn our backs from her death, we had to face it head-on. We had to process all the emotions, say all the words, own all the regrets (I didn’t grow up in time to be the daughter-in-law I wished to be), and just feel it all.
When your past experiences have hardened your heart and your inner voice tells you your ill-equipped it seems impossible to move on from such a trauma, espeically together. 

We process differently, to say the least. 

Through God’s grace, we made it through.  
Every marriage has seasons. Some seasons are easy, some are hard.  Some are blah, and some are incredible. 

This last decade we’ve experienced them all, and then some. 

The past TEN YEARS has taught me more than I could share in a night, but the greatest things are to trust God, shut up long enough to listen and to love abundantly. 

Life is fragile my dear friends, please just soak up the good stuff and deal with the hard stuff as it comes. 

Training your body helps you in some ways. But devotion to God helps you in every way. It brings you blessings in this life and in the future life too.

1 Timothy 4:8