As women and mothers we hear a lot about ‘the comparison trap’. Really we aren’t comparing at all though, are we? I think we are actually contrasting.
When we compare we’re finding similarities, and I think we can encourage each other through that. But when we are contrasting, we’re finding differences. We’re looking at ways we don’t measure up and beating ourselves up over it.
3 times this past month I have talked with 3 separate women, on totally different occasions that have all expressed the same struggle, comparing themselves to others.
I’ve been there. I know that feeling of not being “good enough”.
First of all, if you’re short on time, know this- You ARE good enough, but Satan will do whatever he can to make you feel like you aren’t. Fight it. Pray through it, ask for help. You can conquer this feeling. Now if you have more time, please read my story below:
For me it all revolved around motherhood. I remember the days of being “daddy’s girlfriend” and a “step-mom” and feeling like I wasn’t a good enough mom, or even a mom at all, because I hadn’t brought this child into the world or carried her in my womb.
In hindsight, what was I thinking? I was there, day in and day out, I was washing and brushing hair, reading stories, making meals, singing, giggling, pushing the stroller, carting the diaper bag, and loving fiercely. I was cleaning up puke at 3am, I was hushing and rocking through nightmares, I was very much doing it.
I was most certainly good enough, but I was 18-21 and didn’t see it.
Some close people even told me I wasn’t the real deal, but it was “nice of me” to step up. Nice of me? Their words were heartbreaking.
When I think about it, I can still feel that stabbing feeling in my heart and the nauseousness that would sometimes make me actually vomit.
On the flip side, I hated when people praised me for being a good mom, because I felt like a fraud. I hadn’t given birth, there were no official adoption papers {yet}, so I couldn’t be a REAL mom.
I cried nearly daily, feeling like I just sucked. I wished for a different life all together.
Ugh, Satan will attack us however he pleases, won’t he? His wrath was strong, but gratefully, I had a supportive husband, and found a good church family who led me to know and believe that Jesus was stronger.
I started reading and seeing the truth. I WAS good enough.
Now as a mom who has given birth, I can tell you those worries were totally unwarranted. My duties for the children I gave birth to, or the child that I didn’t, were/are no different at all. The way I love is not different.
The routine of washing, brushing, reading, meal making, singing, and giggling all looks the same. And the love? It’s that very same fierce love.
As much as I want to forget those early years, I try to remind myself of that hurt I felt, because it helps me relate to what others are going through.
God doesn’t waste our pain.
Friends, if it is social media that is making you feel like you aren’t good enough, first and foremost, UNFOLLOW or take a Facebook Fast (Lent is coming up, and is a great time to just take a social media break for a bit)!
Too many Facebook pages, or even friends, once promised to encourage us, but then leave us feeling like we don’t measure up. Just cut that crap out of your life, you don’t need it right now. Even if they aren’t intentionally trying to make you feel inadequate, Satan will skew it in your mind, so it’s better to just leave it behind.
Pray for Jesus to guide your path, that He would help you to see that you ARE good enough. Open the Bible and start reading, there is wisdom, truth, and inspiration in there for you. I won’t even tell you where to start, just open it and I know He will show you what you need to see.
After you’ve gotten rid of the stuff that is discouraging you, know this: Positive people aren’t trying to trick you. Here’s the deal, I often share what I call “Facebook Moments”. These are little glimpses of the goodness in our lives, the places I’m finding JOY. I don’t want to fill your feed with negativity, so it is difficult for me to post something discouraging or ‘too real’. It’s not that I’m hiding behind this fake mask; it’s that I know negativity will only spread more negativity, and I am not about that at all. I’ll share more on that later!
You are sufficient in this life.
If comparison is something you struggle with, I would love to come alongside of you and help you right where you are. I want you to see your potential, and to bring out your inner strength that will carry you through the struggles of the outer world.
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