Not too long ago I spent a night on the floor of my bedroom crying myself to sleep. My husband tried to comfort me but it was no use, I had my mind made up that I didn’t need him to get me through this and get me better fast. I didn’t want the band-aid of “you’re okay” to cover up what I really needed.
What I really needed was to spend hours in prayer and seeking out Jesus for comfort. I needed to hear what Jesus had been trying to tell me when I shut Him out while I was busy. Why do we do that? Why do we get too busy for Jesus?
My husband felt inadequate and helpless that night. He understood, but he hated that he couldn’t fix the way I felt. Men have this natural desire to fix things, and when they can’t, it is rough.
I’m so grateful that Mr. Awesome lets me work through things how I need to though, and that he doesn’t try to get into the middle of my relationship with God. He knows what I need and he gives me the space to make it happen. I’m blessed by him daily.
Deep inside I knew I was going to be okay, I knew I could stop crying and start thinking of other things. But that wouldn’t solve the real mess I was feeling.
Months ago, maybe even a year, I began to pray that Jesus would break my heart for what breaks His. A friend told me she was praying the same thing for me.
Now my heart is breaking all the time, dang it! 😉
It’s breaking over things like sad children and screaming parents at the park (the extreme cases, not the ones where the toddler just wants 1,000 more minutes to play and the parent has said 3 times ‘just 5 more minutes honey’), the revealing swimsuit options in the children’s section at Target, and orphans. Oh how my heart breaks into so many pieces for the orphans.
Lost and confused teen moms also hold the most special place in my heart.
My frustrated children trying to understand math problems, or sound out the tough words in the books they so desperately want to read. My heart understands, and I no longer rush them.
Mental illness, something I once thought was a made up term, I’m learning to understand and beginning to offer my prayers for.
Practical Application: Our former interim pastor Jim suggested during a sermon a couple months ago that we as parents make each child in our home a special spot where they can pray. I was inspired by that. While I haven’t made a spot for each child, I have made a spot that we can each use.
A favorite blogger of mine, Liz, the Naptime Decorator, posted about the Better Homes and Gardens Grayson Wingback Pushback chair from Wal-Mart that she used in her family room makeover. I’d never in a million years think to buy furniture from there, but when I saw this chair I knew it was just what I was looking for. We now have a prayer chair where we can go to spend time with God and center ourselves.
We can pray for the things that are breaking our hearts.
I’d like to encourage you to find a place where you too can call your prayer chair, or corner, or whatever. I have spent time praying on my closet floor, tucked quietly into the mudroom, even on the treadmill. So there’s no right or wrong spot. Just find a place that feels right, and invite your family to pray there too.