You can read a lot about being intentional with your children. You can read a lot about the importance of devotional time and time spent in prayer.
But you know what I think there isn’t enough info about? Intentional time with your husband. As wives and mothers we can get so busy being sure all the children are fed, the clothes are washed, homework is in the bag, etc. We can even busy ourselves with non-urgent things like washing the windows, and changing out the sheets.
When our kids need us what do we do? We usually drop everything and go. Of course that’s normal. They’re demanding, sometimes even loud. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, right?
Husbands typically aren’t squeaky. They deal with needing attention in a different way. And when they maybe try to get attention and it doesn’t work, they busy themselves and move on.
A child would keep on, being persistent, and get our attention.
A child who is quieter and keeps to themselves can be like this too. They need us, but don’t seem “needy”. Be intentional with those little ones (even If they’re teenagers).
I was reminded as I told someone today about how when our son was born we had a tough time adjusting as a couple. I suddenly had two children in the house, one of which was a newborn. A very high-maintenance newborn, and in hindsight I didn’t have it all together. But I thought I did, so I never ever asked for help.
My days were spent dividing my attention between the kids and not knowing how to be a wife anymore.
Fast forward several years, we have 3 kiddos at home, we homeschool, our kids are in activities, our lives are more demanding and we’re trying to balance it all.
I am sure to fit in prayer time daily, and usually a devotional several times a week. I have no problem getting supper on the table and keeping the clothes washed. I’ve learned to delegate the window washing to the kids, because they love it. And I have also learned that if someone needs me, the sheets can be washed the next day (or few days later).
Above all, I’ve found the better I become at juggling my role as a mom, the more I struggle with my role as a wife.
My husband is a patient man. Our marriage has been tested, and he is faithful.
I’ve learned as a wife no matter how fun the parties with friends sound, or the chance to attend the painting event I’ve waited all summer for, or how good a sale is that I *have* to get to that day, I have to put my husband first.
I’ll say it again. I have to put my husband first.
Okay, saying I *have* to, maybe isn’t fair. I choose to.
I choose to decline and pass, sometimes even when that means our kids miss out on the school’s fun fair, or a sporting event, because our marriage comes first.
He comes first.
I’ve learned in my 25+ years in North Iowa that friends will come and go. I’m grateful for the relationships, but I can’t make them number 1. When I do that, I am putting him second, or third, or fourth, and pretty soon we’re just saying “hi” and “bye” as we each head out the door to our separate events.
These kiddos of ours will leave our nest someday *sniff sniff*, and it’ll be just the two of us. I will always do everything I can to be the best mom and make them a priority, but I am devoted to finding and maintaining that balance between Him, and them.
From a breast cancer scare, to medical issues, vehicle issues, school issues, and so much more, Mr. Awesome has been awesome at being not just my husband, but my friend.
We’ve nurtured the art of open communication and trust. It wasn’t easy, but the effort has been worth it.
We’ve learned to put each other first in this house.
Of course, God truly comes first which is what gives us the fuel to keep going, and the wisdom to know which path to take, but our time together is precious.
We’ve watched couples dissolve through divorce, or death and we’ve decided we have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but we’re going to make the best of what we have within our marriage here and now, to help secure our future.
I’ll follow up later with practical ways to put your husband first, because I know it can be tough at first to figure out what that even looks like.
Val - Corn, Beans, Pigs and Kids says
Another great post and I can totally relate! I even work day to day with my husband on the farm but at times I know I need to listen better and be there for him at the end of the day after all the work is done. My husband is more than my business partner, he is my partner in life.