Each year around Christmas my husband takes a couple weeks off of work to just “be”. Some years he takes on huge projects, and some years he just fiddles around the house. As a young bride it used to drive me crazy when he’d take all that time off of work and not “DO” anything. I never understood how he could be so content to just watch TV, play games with the kids, read books, and do all the ordinary stuff that I do each day. He looked forward to it.
Some years I would question why he wasn’t doing MORE with his time off. If I could take that back, I would!
Our visions of success were different. His revolved around being an active dad, while my vison of success still looked like motherhood, but with a corner office in the corporate world.
All that time he was doing something. He was investing time into his family. Quality time is his love language, and well.
My husband is so good at just “being”, and not from a lazy stand point, but just that he has a content personality. He doesn’t ‘want’ the way I do. He’s slower paced than I am, and he enjoys life more fully than I do. He doesn’t just do life differently, I honestly believe he does it better. He takes note of the little details and takes time to do kind things, even if they aren’t BIG things. We think in a different way, and I’m really growing to appreciate that. Actually, I’m growing to down right LOVE that about him.
About 5-6 years ago we bought a snow blower from a neighbor, and ever since we have had the best Christmas breaks together. My husband will take off down the street blowing snow for anyone that needs it (or doesn’t, he’s not picky), and I take on the big projects.
He’s satisfying his desire to be outside while doing something he truly enjoys (blessing people and using his snow blower). I am getting to tackle big projects while he’s home to help with the kids, or help with the big projects while the kids entertain each other.
We’ve found our groove, and MAN, is it ever a good one!
Just for fun, here’s a throwback I found while tackling the BIG project of sorting through our storage room:
The pictures below this frame were of some boy I met once when I was 14. I thought I was in love with him and we mailed letters back and forth for awhile. THOSE pictures made it into the garbage pile. Sorry, Cory! We did not write the kinds of things I want my children to run across some day!
So dear young brides, I’m not going to tell you to lower your expectations (although I think we as women need to do that in general). I am going to tell you to really listen to your husband’s needs.
You can’t change him, but you can inspire him. Most importantly you can change the way YOU think about him.