Election day 2018 I posted a joke on my personal Facebook page, and it received some criticism (and praise). Now I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea (or coffee), but the negative responses I received made me mad, and sad, and feel completely misunderstood.
It was late, we were in the middle of ridiculously hard math homework and like a fool, I checked my phone. Dang it! The first comment had me instantly bawling like a baby and questioning everything about myself.
In a matter of an hour, I deactivated Facebook to clear my mind and maybe run away from the problem (I did private message the offender right away to clear the air because I had my big girl panties on that day- and my period.. I had that too).
You may not know this, but social media is not just a “game”, it’s my JOB and a way I provide income to my family. To leave like that was such a risk. I’m thankful for understanding hearts that let it slide for a few days.
This meltdown I had wasn’t the fault of those speaking out against my political humor, but of me wearing myself so thin that I couldn’t even handle a remark or two without getting offended and becoming inconsolable. Bless Mr. Awesome for his steadfast love, guidance, and reliability when I lose myself.
I left the house to drive and think and not let the children see me at such a weak moment. I had myself convinced that I was a horrible wife and mother and friend AND PERSON. I wondered if people always saw me as this selfish monster?
If there is any word I hope is NEVER ever uttered of me, it’s selfish.
Anyway, It’s been months, and I’m fine. Everything is fine. And not just because everyone I voted for was elected. Okay, too soon? Seriously though.
Honestly, guys, it all blew over, and we were back to “the regular programming” within days. I’m telling you this because for the past 10 years, since my early playdate coordinating days and mom-mentoring days, so many women have graciously told me how they admire me, and wish they had it together like I do. That means so much to me.
I want you to know that while I DO often have it together, I am skilled in organization and have great patience in raising children and nurturing a marriage even through the tough stuff, I also occasionally lose it.
Not often, but every few years I seem to have a monumental break down where I cry so hard my face turns splotchy and my nose won’t stop running, and it’s all not because someone I love has died, the way it looks, but rather because someone “hurt my feelings” or a project I’ve tackled didn’t turn out the way I hoped. It’s a true child-like tantrum and when it happens, I know it’s best to just retreat to a quiet place and pour my heart out to Jesus. He’s so good, so forgiving, and always whispers the words I need and reaffirms that “I’m okay”.