Something has been on my mind and I just can’t sort it out. So naturally I come here, to my little corner of the World Wide Web, and literally the corner of our home.
You see for the past couple years I’ve been telling my husband that I feel like I’m not growing at church, I don’t feel connected. I like our church, I like the people, but I haven’t felt truly plugged in.
I was in this weekly repetition of going to church, sitting through church, saying hi to a few people and then leaving. I did genuinely try to live like a Christian throughout the week not just on church days. That wasn’t good enough for me though. I crave community.
My husband however always felt connected and like he’s growing. He was kind to me about it, but firm. We weren’t leaving the church he so greatly enjoyed just because *I* wasn’t liking it at that moment.
Well, I was sure it must just be me then. I felt broken. I thought I was selfish, alone, and blowing this out of proportion.
I let it go for awhile. And by let it go, I mean I actually stuffed my feelings in so tight that I finally BURST!
This was actually a good thing. The burst, not the holding it in. I don’t suggest you hold it in, but if you have already then I do suggest you let it out! The truth can be so freeing!
So I talked with one of our pastors about what I was feeling. I started talking to my friends about it. I started talking to other church members about it. I didn’t complain about it, but really asked for advice. I needed all the help I could get.
Through this I learned that many others felt the same way as my husband did, they were plugged in, spiritually growing, and doing just fine. Then there were others, like me, that were also feeling stuck. I could tell from our talks that they truly did feel this way, they weren’t just agreeing with me. Believe me, people don’t just agree with me naturally, I’m a little “out there” with my thinking sometimes. Passionate, I like to call it. 🙂
I went on a quest to be the change I wanted to see, rather than just run away from my problems like I typically do.
This worked, but not exactly in the way I had hoped for it to.
Do you want to know what happened? I’ll tell you! But later, okay? I have kids to tend to right now!