Forty

My whole family wrote the kindest words in their birthday cards to me today. The fact that they took the time for handwritten notes at all was so thoughtful. BUT, YOU GUYS, the words they wrote just did me in. I am so blessed and take absolutely NONE of this for granted.

I became an instant momma when I met Chad four days after my 18th birthday… I didn’t have a big well of knowledge or positive experiences to draw from, I was very much just in love and winging it in those early years (and still sometimes now). I praise God for leading me to a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group when I was brand new to town and my 2 oldest kids were tiny. That’s where everything I thought I knew about being a Chrisitian went out the window and I began to develop a real relationship with the Lord by the examples of other women around me, and learning to study scripture. Never underestimate the power of being a positive example in someone’s life, just by inviting them in and letting them see you do ordinary everyday things with your family.

I have worked so.freaking.hard to put aside any selfishness and be a mom who is present and always available for my husband and children. I tell every parent that asks for advice when they’re starting their homeschooling journey, or having a tough time with their kids, “build and prioritize the relationship, the rest will follow”. These aren’t just nice words, this is something I try to carry out every day and it works. Be truthul with your children. Be an advocate for them, or become an expert in your own child really. Know what they love, lean into their interests, help them to learn more about it. When their interests change, you get to do it all over again and you will both learn new things.

Sidenote: If their behavior is crap, look at your own (Sorry, I know noone wanted to hear that). Also consider dietary and scheudle changes. Eat food for humans as much as possible, and make sure everyone gets enough sleep.

Back to the story: I never, ever in a million years want my children or husband to think my love for them is conditional. They are all just so precious to me. There is nothing they could do to change how much I care about them. I expected nothing for my birthday (I did ask for a good burger on a gluten free bun) and while the material items they gifted me were beyond amazing, this life with them, these words they wrote, it’s all so incredible and awesome. Just being in their presence, all 7 of us together for 4 days straight was a gift of its own.

I would estimate that I put somewhere around 92% of my time and energy into raising my children and creating a loving home for my family every single day. I hit the pillow downright exhausted and so deeply thankful every night, and I have zero hard feelings or regrets about that (for the most part… I do have a pet peeve over picking up wet bath towels or cleaing off dirty peanut butter spoons before bed that I need to work on).

After many years of feeling like I am not doing enough with my life, I now know that this is the work I am supposed to be doing. THIS is where God has me right now, and I am so content with that.

Anyway friends, please enjoy these sweet notes, especially that LAST ONE. That one really could be a whole post on its own. It’s written by the sweet little girl that sat by my side, praying over me DAILY, no really HOURLY, when I was mold-sick and bedridden 5 years ago. The girl that thought she was going to lose her momma every time she went to sleep, and I couldn’t promise her that it would never happen because for many months I didn’t know if I would wake up the next day and I couldn’t bare the thought of dying and her thinking I had lied to her. Her faith grew astronomically (I’m typing on my computer without spell check, I hope I got that close). We kept homeschooling through my illness, she became an expert in cooking around severe food allergies, and learned to read and write by copying bible passages, because I had such little energy each day, and wanted to be sure she had her own relationship with the Lord, to carry her through if the worst case scenario played out. Ugh, now I am here crying so hard I can barely type. Just know this, God is good, he answered our prayers. Not right away, not in the way I hoped, but in the way I needed, the way our family needed, and even friends, to truly lean on Him throughout the process and gain a deep healing that was more than just physical.

Whenever I have a day where I feel like I’m lacking or falling short as a momma or wife, I’m just going to come back to these sweet notes.

Let this be an encouragement: You are probably doing a MUCH better job at life than you think you are. I hope someone will give you that confirmation this week, as my family has done for me.

Okay, that’s all. This probably should’ve been a blog post.

Love,

QT