Marriage: 2 Tips for Productive Communication

Dear Wives,

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? That place in a conversation where we keep repeating ourselves and nothing is getting accomplished.  The same conversation seems to drag on for days, possibly even weeks.

Oh goodness, has it really been weeks?

Yes. It has.

Mr. Awesome and I are nearing the end of the ‘remodel mode’ with our flooring, which is not something I’d recommend for any marriage (half kidding, half totally serious).

Lately this scene has been playing on repeat at our house:

Mr. Awesome: “What do you want to do about the kitchen island?” -We’ve been thinking of replacing it and we’ve talked about it off and on for 3 weeks.

My thoughts: Well honey, I want to do exactly what I’ve already told you 15 times. Apparently we aren’t going to do that though, or you wouldn’t keep asking.  Why don’t you just do whatever you want and I’ll act like I’m fine with it.  We can banter about this in a few more years when it begins to bother me again.

My actual words:  We can do whatever you’d like.  Let’s put the old island back.  I just want to be done with this project.

Another example…

Mr. Awesome: “I think we could fit a sectional in our living room again.

Me:  I don’t want a sectional again.  I swear we keep going around and around about the same thing.

 

What I’m not telling you is that every conversation we have about this is at the most inconvenient time. Kids interrupt us, the doorbell rings, someone gets a text, or we’re driving and spot something shiny to talk about instead; whatever there are just lots of little interruptions.

The conversation never seems to finish.

Also, we haven’t been doing a super job of listening to each other. We’ve each just been so passionate about our opinions that we lose sight of the idea that we are on the same team and we should be working TOGETHER not against each other.

So here are my two tips for productive communication:

1. Realize you’re on the same team and brainstorm together. Compromise.
2. If you keep getting interrupted, set a date and time that you CAN talk about whatever it is that you need to talk about. It may look like this:

“Honey, it’s important to me that we talk about the new couch. I want to be sure we have time for both of us to give input, and that we can work together.  Can we plan to talk tomorrow night around 9, after we put the kids to bed?”

 

Whatever you do, don’t stop communicating. Don’t go silent unless it’s because you are listening.